Thursday, October 04, 2012

My Story Part 137 – What Would You Change?

Many of us in the trans community say, “only if I transition ___ years ago!”

We are continuing beating ourselves over the head with “what if…” but I know for me I could have never transitioned when I was in school or in my twenties, the world was an entirely different place, it was still full of bigotry. It was the era of the Stonewall Uprising, when trans-people who didn’t pass lived in the margins of society. That was one of the reasons that you could not get hormones unless you passed. You also if you were a trans-woman had to be attracted to men, in other words you had to be able to assimilate in to society.

All my life I had white male privileged and that allowed me to be where I am today, it allowed me to retire at age 58. I know I was privileged and I knew what I would lose if I transitioned and when I did decide to transition, I spent a long time crying because I thought I would lose everything. I thought I would lose my family, I would lose my friends and I would be shunned be society.

When I go to an “outreach” many times I am asked if you could take a pill and not be transgender, would you take it? My answer is no. Being transgender is what made me the person I am, it shaped me, it made me aware of the suffering of others, and it made me an activist. Being transgender lead me to become a social worker. When I wrote “My Personal Statement” in my application to grad school, I wrote in part…
One of my lessons learned includes to value diversity.  I have learned to look beyond the color of a person’s skin; to look beyond if they are rich or poor or whether they are from the suburbs or the inner city.  I have looked within the person - to see their full potential. Before I came out, I lived in fear and shame. I was afraid that someone would find out about my great secret and my self-worth suffered accordingly.  In coming out, I leaned self-acceptance and in gaining this acceptance came empowerment. This has become a valuable tool in which to help others.  Self-acceptance allows one to not only believe in themselves but that all things are possible – even social change and social justice.  I think the Reverend Jesse Jackson said it best in his poem “I am Somebody”-- we are all somebody and we can never forget that.
So I am glad that I didn’t transition back in the 60s or 70s and in a way I glad I am trans, because otherwise I wouldn’t be me.

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